he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
