note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
