the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
