Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
