It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
