Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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