8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
