we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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