she told me i tasted like america
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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