I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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