So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
