I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
