You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
