How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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