I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i will never coherently bang her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
