I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
