how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
