dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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