What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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