I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
