piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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