Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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