he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
