I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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