If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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