Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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