I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
