It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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