That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
