I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
