What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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