Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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