i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
