I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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