Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
