I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
