I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
