This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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