i just had sex bonerless
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
