I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
