how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
