Since when is my name a synonym for head?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
