i was born a porn star she said
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
