Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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