I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
