For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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