OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
