I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My balls are so social today.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
