Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
