My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Two words: blizzard sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
