Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
