I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
